Looking For Gold | The greatest Sin

Post edited 6:44 am – October 28, 2009 by Omneya Hisham

Those Mountains are high up there,
just like me;
Valued by the whole world,
Impressive!
I think I am arrogant
I am peacful though!
My arrogance can't harm any one
The mountains can kill;
People fall while climbing them,
They some times reach their tops,
but die while trying to
go back to the flat ground.

I know that
those mountains won't last forever
as well as me.
When that day comes,
When the world ends,
those mountains will no more exist
I will be there!
Laughing while
watching them collapsing
I can run.
They can't.
I can run faster and die later.
At least I can
live longer than them.

But when
Both of us go
to that far place
where questions are asked,
those mountains will say
"We didn't intend to kill;
its not our fault!
The people who tired to climb us
are reckless and not strong enough"
and I will cry
and hardly try
to explain the reason why
I believe I am like those mountains
or may be better!

drsamoor said:I dunno Omnia… I really dunno. something is missing. i think imagery? i mean the 1st stanza is very prose like. i think you need to work on this piece to fill it in certain areas and the grammar too

heyyy samaar 1st thanks for reading and commenting

second i dont know in this piecei tryed to experiment with another style of writing…i didnt want to use lots of images into each stanza i just wanted the whole poem to be one image or a symbol of one idea. i think i cant add imagery to it now i feel  it more without it!!! about the grammar: i would like you to help me with that and point out some changes that u would like to see that may help me more in developing this piece…the 1st part is some how prose like yeaa i know and i did that on a purpose i want it to espress the thoughts of the persona in a simple way as if he or she is talking to them selves and is not able to organize his/her thoughts or express things deeply,,, thanks alotttt my dear and i really value recieving another reply from u