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3:48 pm
December 13, 2009


drsamoor

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posts 150
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The green doll,

With her long red hair,

Doesn't want to play anymore,

Or to sleep in the doll house,

For years,

She nestled her straying dreams,

With water and some words,

And every look in the mirror,

Was a call for tears

To come and rule her soul.

 

Words,

Coming from casted laughs,

Stare at her belly

That carries one thousand feather

Brooding on the harvest,

Of getting whiter.

 

She wonders about those yellow eyes,

Shining in the dark,

And the heat of her broken heart,

Lit thousands candles around her.

Even those short arms,

Can reach to catch an armful of tiny stars,

But every night,

Long fingers with dark nails,

Crawl down her bed,

Steal some breath,

Breed her red hair like their own,

But she,

Turns her back.

Sometimes falls down,

And others fill her palms with

Silver foam and brush her hair.

HEART, we will forget him! You and I, to-night! You may forget the warmth he gave, I will forget the light. When you have done, pray tell me, That I my thoughts may dim; Haste! lest while you’re lagging, I may remember him! Emily Dickinso

11:36 pm
December 13, 2009


Aladdin

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posts 6
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Gameeeeeeeeelaaa awyyy ya samar!

I like the idea awyy! and the way of discribing it!

Even those short arms,

Can reach to catch an armful of timy stars.Smile

10:14 am
December 14, 2009


zainab

Member

posts 67
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Samoura, I like the idea and the image of the doll and the doll house but there are parts in it that I didn't fully understand.

The second stanza was a bit confusing for me. Her belly carries one thousand feathers but I didnt understand the last two lines; "Brooding on the harvest, / Of getting whiter". What is getting whiter?


The last stanza was very intense, I loved its intensity. But I have a couple of comments.


She wonders then her heart lit. I think the verb lit would sound better if it was in the present like wonders: lights.


Lights a thousand candles around her OR Lights thousands of candels around her

I have a suggestion for "Can reach to catch an armful of…etc."  You can say, "Can reach for an armful of tiny stars." Its a beautiful image and when I read it aloud it sounded more musical when the line was shorter, it sort of paralleled her short arms trying to reach out.


This whole part confused me starting from Long fingers till like their own. The lines after them are very beautiful but the image of the long fingers crawling and stealing her breath didnt adhere right I guess. I also didnt understand what "breed" meant. If you mean braid her hair I guess it would be a nice gesture. I think its very loving to braid ones hair. So I guess you mean something else but I couldnt understand it.


I love the title.


Ma3lesh ya Samoura tawlet 3aleky

"In celebration of the woman I am", Anne Sexton
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